Navigating my 20s as an Autistic Person
Disclaimer: Any views, opinions and tips on this blog belong solely to the article's author and don’t represent the views of Autisticly Me. This article may contain affiliate links, meaning I will receive a small commission for the advertised products.
This year, I’m hitting my mid-twenties and it’s somewhat scary to think about. This realisation has made me reflect on what I’ve learnt so far in navigating my twenties as an Autistic person.
We’re told daily that there are milestones we must reach during our twenties. Whether that is passing your driving test, having your first full-time job or meeting the love of your life. There are days when I overhear that someone from secondary school has bought a house or has had their second child. It makes me question my achievements and where I am right now.
I was diagnosed as Autistic at twenty-two years old, so these past two years I’ve been re-learning everything about myself, from understanding my boundaries to identifying what I want from life.
Most importantly, I’ve been rewiring my mindset towards myself and unlearning bad habits. As people, we are always determined to self-sabotage ourselves, beginning with how we view ourselves as people. We will always view ourselves as having shortcomings due to society conditioning our perspective to be coherent with others' needs, thus seeing ourselves as less than others. Instead of seeing ourselves as extraordinary or as a “fantastic writer,” we see ourselves as needing to do more and belittle ourselves to prove our self-worth and humbleness
I remember my sister and I laughing when my Nan used to say that she was “beautiful” and “extraordinary,” but your mindset can make and break your time on Earth. And that’s a major factor to why she’s still a strong character today.
Another revelation I’ve realised is my confusion about whether I’m feeling content or discontent with my path due to my alexithymia. For the past seven months, I’ve been re-learning to establish what feelings or emotions mean I’m happy with my chosen path or not. For instance, I’ve been having moments of being overwhelmed, where I feel unrest and apprehensive, but I'm unsure whether it’s because I need a challenge or because I’m overexerting myself. I remember in Year 11 I was laughed at for admitting it’s scary to be independent - the one in full control of the outcome of my life. I used to be excited by thinking that I have the power to set my own path, but with my difficulty with alexithymia, it’s sometimes hard to know whether I feel it’s the right path.
Lastly, this year, I’ve also realised that my elders are still learning. When we were children, we expected our parents or grandparents to know everything, from organising a household to understanding the legalities of owning property. However, I’ve realised that adults are not fully what we’ve always expected them to be.
My current experience has taught me that my elders are not always the adults I attributed them to be when I was younger. For myself, it's made me reflect that they’re still learning the ways of life, whether it’s accepting accountability for their actions or unlearning old habits. There’s no such thing as the perfect adult. Instead, true adults acknowledge their wrongdoings and learn to prevent the mistake from happening again. Generational trauma is real and can often lead to further mistakes from generation to generation.
Although entering my mid-twenties is scary, these past few years in my twenties have taught me valuable lessons that I wouldn’t have learned if I hadn’t gone through my experiences, whether that was my Autism diagnosis or relationship traumas. I’m grateful to have also experienced the joys of navigating my twenties as an Autistic person, such as building my community on social media and challenging myself by experiencing new environments.
No one ever says that the twenties are the easiest years of your life, but if you’re scared of this unknown era like me, embrace the unknown by reflecting on how far you’ve come.
Recently on the Blog
There’s limited research on the intersectionality between race, disability and gender, and how it amplifies stereotypical images of specific groups, especially for Black Autistic women.