10 Signs of Autism that was Missed from my Childhood
Disclaimer: Any views, opinions and tips on this blog are personal and belong solely to myself (Kyra) and don’t represent the views of affiliated professionals and organisations. Additionally, I’m not a professional advisor regarding Autism and the content produced on this blog is solely from my own experiences.
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Although I was diagnosed with Autism at the end of 2022, it’s always been a part of my life - undiagnosed or diagnosed. After my diagnosis, I started to reflect on my childhood and why I wasn’t diagnosed earlier.
There are a multitude of reasons why I was potentially diagnosed late, including the stereotypes placed on me as a Black British woman, the lack of awareness about Autism, the lack of access to services, and the misconceptions about Autism. Nevertheless, in this blog post, I want to reflect and understand the qualities of Autism that were left undetected throughout my childhood.
I hope by sharing my experience that present and future Autistic children will have greater support from their family and friends, and services will be able to recognise the hidden traits of Autistic women of colour.
Sensitivity to Noise
My Mum has always mentioned how excellent my hearing is. In particular, how the doctor was impressed with my AABR test, which is a hearing test given to newborns. This test was a key sign of my hypersensitivity to noise.
Throughout my childhood, I’ve had many incidents where my sensitivity to noise has affected my experience in an environment. Whether it was at home, school or in public. I remember that I couldn’t (and still can’t) get to sleep if I could hear external noises such as clicking, snoring or the TV in another room. This resulted in me resorting to turning up my own TV to block out the noise or asking my family to turn down the TV. You may be thinking, why not invest in earbuds? For me, it’s very uncomfortable to sleep with earbuds.
2. Anxious in New Environments
Although I loved doing new activities, I was always anxious in new environments. It wasn’t the fear of doing something new, but rather the unknown possibilities that came with it. For example, approaching new people, how to conduct myself (what’s appropriate or inappropriate), and where to go. Luckily, nowadays I’m able to pre-plan by asking people about the venue, looking at reviews, and searching the layout of the place on Google.
3. Meltdowns
Throughout my childhood, my meltdowns were interpreted as temper tantrums due to them usually happening when things didn’t go to plan. Although that was a plausible answer, my meltdowns consisted of me hitting my head and crying. It wasn’t until now that I started to reflect that it was a significant sign overlooked.
4. Misunderstanding Facial Expressions
During my childhood, there have been many times when I’ve misinterpreted facial expressions. For me, I have a library of facial expressions that I’ve catalogued over the years to help me identify when someone is sad, happy, angry, etc. However, every person is unique, and a facial expression that is interpreted as happy for one person may not mean another person is happy. This is something which has caught me out and has led to social isolation due to making the wrong assumptions.
5. Spinning
A common quality of Autism is conducting repetitive behaviour. For many Autistic people, conducting repetitive behaviour is a way of self-soothing during an anxiety-provoking experience. For instance, I used to spin in the kitchen until I made myself feel sick, and I usually did this during particular incidents where I wanted to distract myself from my overall tension.
6. Avoidance of Eye Contact
From a young age, I struggled to make eye contact. Thinking back, there was no apparent reason other than finding it awkward to stare into the eyes of the speaker. It almost felt like I was staring into the depths of their soul. It took multiple CBT sessions to become semi-comfortable with making eye contact, but it’s still a persistent struggle of mine which has continued into my adulthood.
7. Obsessed with Drawing House Plans
I remember at the age of around 10 years old I used to be obsessed with drawing house plans. Every day I sat at my dining room table and started drawing various house plans of houses I dream of living in in the future.
This obsession extended to the TV Shows I watched, which consisted of mainly Grand Designs and Location Location Location.
Thinking now, my obsession with house plans goes further back to being a toddler, when I was obsessed with making houses using Lego. You would think with this obsession that I would’ve been an architect (which I considered), however, my new dream is to renovate a house of my own, which is the best of both worlds.
8. Struggles with Friendships
During my early years, I was lucky not to have experienced many challenges with making “friends.” It wasn’t until after the age of 10 that I began to become more socially aware of my “difference” and how first impressions affect whether someone will like me or not. This later contributed to my masking behaviours, which consisted of imitating the behaviours of those around me to fit into the group.
9. Experience with Depression and Anxiety
I’ve always struggled with understanding my emotions, especially after I participated in masking behaviours to be liked by everyone around me. This resulted in me feeling that I’d lost a sense of myself in the process, and my mental health declined as a result.
When puberty hit around the age of 10, I became more aware of my “difference,” and this only made me feel even more lonelier, despite being surrounded by “friends.” I would definitely say that these mixtures of emotions contributed to my experience of depression and anxiety from a young age.
10. Egocentrism
Egocentrism refers to a cognitive bias when someone assumes that others share the same perspective as they do, in which they’re unable to imagine that other people have their own perspectives.
During my teenage years, I had the perception that everyone thought of things in a similar way as me. This belief was regarding morality, such as respecting people’s personal beliefs, saying please and thank, and treating people with kindness. It didn’t make sense to me when people deterred away from this belief, as I assumed that everyone was socialised with the same morality complex.
It wasn’t until I started part-time work at 17 that I began to realise that everyone thinks differently. This was the result of experiencing rude customers who dismissed the “rules” I was socialised with. Such as respecting those who serve you at a restaurant.
What Next?
I don’t regret not being diagnosed with Autism during my childhood as this journey has allowed me to become the person I am today, but I do regret being misunderstood by my family and peers, as greater support would’ve decreased my experiences of anxiety and depression.
I hope Autistic and neurodivergent activists sharing their stories online will allow present and future Autistic children from feeling misunderstood and stigmatised by their family and peers.
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