Why I Took a Break From Writing Online!
It’s been a few months since I published a newsletter, and the last few months have been a whirlwind.
In summary, I moved to a new city, changed jobs, completed a short course, and applied for new educational opportunities. Most importantly, I got to know myself better in the midst of another burnout.
The past few months have taught me how much perfectionism controls my life.
Perfectionism refers to the need to be perfect based on socially constructed standards. And as a content creator, I felt the pressure to conform to the current standards, which included hustling into the depths of midnight, prioritising work over health, and conforming to trends.
I was working for others rather than for myself, and this not only affected my quality of work but also affected my physical and mental health. I truly believed that to be a “good” content creator, I had to sacrifice many things I loved to get into the field I love. However, trading this lifestyle resulted in me experiencing burnout, gut problems, and a decline in my mental health.
It’s sad to say that I doubted my capabilities as a writer, content creator and aspiring journalist, and this only added to the stress on my body.
After months of switching off, I realised that the socially constructed standard for content creators didn’t suit my brain, and that’s okay. Reading Ellie Middleton’s book ‘How to Be You’ made me realise that there were others like me who felt pressured to conform to society’s standards.
In the book, Ellie elaborates on executive functioning, the ‘mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions and juggle multiple tasks successfully.’ There are eight executive functions including working memory, self-monitoring and flexibility. According to the NHS, an estimate of 80% of autistic people have differences in executive functioning, resulting in many experiencing challenges in managing time, completing tasks and managing their emotions.
A significant habit of mine was taking on too many responsibilities at once. During university, I had many commitments, from working as an ambassador, working at the student bar, blogging, assignments, yoga, dance, workshops, and social life. Although many hustlers would see this list and be like “Wow, good for you,” it didn’t feel like that at the time. I was pushing myself to the point of exhaustion to be seen as the “model student” and this carried over into my post-university career.
But, this time, I am working for myself.
Over the past few months, I have learnt to reduce my responsibilities by committing myself to one major responsibility each month. For instance, in November, my responsibility was to complete my applications for future endeavours, whereas in December, my responsibility was to reopen the blog. For me, this was the perfect compromise between completing my goals and prioritising my health.
Although I still have a long way to go in improving my health and overcoming my burnout, I’m happy to be back at writing again. My sole purpose for Autisticly Me is to create a community where autistic people can live unapologetically as themselves, and I know I can’t do that if my health is not 100%
Welcome back to Autisticly Me!!!!
